Where there is darkness, there is light

I think I have just had the most bittersweet week yet.

Last Tuesday, September 13, 2011, my world fell apart. I fucked up and I could practically see myself getting on a plane, flying back to Iloilo. My heart ached so much at the thought of leaving Ateneo. I had never felt more helpless.

But, you know what they say, we can only know light when we have seen the dark. That day I felt like the sun had stopped shining over me, like the wind's path never crossed mine, and it was as if all life pulled away from me. I was a barren wasteland in human form, a once lush field of green that had just gone dry. I was a wreck, and an obvious one at that.

Looking back, I'm not sure if my appearance was a desperate cry for help or if I simply lost the will to pretend I was okay. Either way, after keeping it together for at least a month or two, I finally allowed myself to admit the truth that incessantly echoed in the back of my mind:

I cannot do everything myself. 

On the outset, it sounded like weakness and it was difficult to accept. But, I learned that it was actually the opposite. To be able to admit you need support takes more courage than acting strong. So, I let my mask of struggled control slip away, revealing a scared and vulnerable girl underneath.

And that was the moment I saw the beauty I had for so long overlooked: There are people who truly care about me. My friends were more than ready to help me pick myself up from the ground. They listened. They gave me hugs. They did their best to cheer me up. And they did all these as often as they could. My family accepted my mistake and was already on the topic of damage control ASAP. They understood that it hurt me more than it did them and they did what they could to win me a second chance. Heck, even my dad who never travels flew all the way here to Ateneo to make sure I was going to be alright.

Put it simply, these wonderful people still loved me even when I hated myself. I was at my worst and I did not deserve it but, they never abandoned me. I felt sincerely blessed to have them in my life so, allow me to dedicate this post to them.:)

Thank you to my best friend Gabby for calling me as soon as she could when I informed her. It is reassuring to know you are still there for me despite the distance and the busy schedule. I love you!:D

Thank you to Sonya, Bea, Jeah, Nina, and Elly for being some of the first to talk to me that day and for treating me to a meal at Teriyaki Boy. It really helped me calm down. (Pity we don't have pictures.)

Thank you to my friends in the ARSA Dance Troupe for being patient with me throughout training. I miss you guys already.

Backstage with ARSA DT 2011, Coach Joy, Courtney (ARSA DT'10), and Co.

Thanks to Ruth, my block mate, for her virtual hugs. I let her and JR down but, they did not turn their back on me.

Thank you to WCOF for still reaching out to me when I had grown distant. I miss you guys very much and I love the care package you made for me.;)

My favorite snacks :3

A group letter from the boys <3

Thank you to my dad who did his best to be patient with me throughout his stay here in Ateneo. He really made up for lost time even when I was being maldita.:))

Also, to all the other people who took time to make sure I was okay, you guys know who you are and I want you to know that I will be doing my best to get back on my feet from now on.

Thank you very much!